Pain is something we so often want to stop ASAP and often in anyways possible. There is no after thought of the long term effects of stopping these messages being received. After all that is what pain is, it's a messenger, something needs attention, something needs to be heard.
But with uneasiness & discomfort we want relief NOW!!!
Not realising that this prolongs the process, it ingrains it deeper, it adds another layer to our story. When looking at doing our inner work & digging deeper it looks like a lot of work, that's because it is. Time comes up again & again, but I need to work, I have kids, I am busy etc. etc.
We all are.
My question is, when will you allow yourself the time? Life isn't going to stop for it to happen, 2 weeks at a retreat isn't going to do it, a quick detox isn't going to release years worth of denial, suppression, numbing it down.
You are your life's work, so if not now.
Then when ?!
In my own process & healing, I struggled with understanding what was required of me, how it was suppose to "work" what were the steps I needed to take, isn't there a manual or something??
This was my first unlearning, no one had done my healing before, no one else can do it for me. I was walking in new terrain & the way I would do it would be discovered as I went along. What came up & when was decided by what my body, subconscious & higher self deemed necessary at the time. The sooner I got zen with this, the better. The more I relinquished control & got this was not a thinking process, the better it got, I accepted the fact that what was coming up to be released was for my benefit, it was not here to stay , it was coming up to be worked through, to be seen for what it was & shown gratitude for the wisdom it had given me, when I was open to lesson it had to give me.
This is not to say that I was celebrating every pain that came up to say hello. Not at all!!! I had many moments when I wanted to pull the rug over my eyes, go back to sleep & pretend it wasn't happening. There was a well of tears that had been sitting there waiting to be released & there were many times I was left with the flood gates open & I didn't know when the tears would stop. Healing , painful, cathartic tears that washed away the wounds that had cut so deep I couldn't see the bottom. But the fight in me , kept pushing for the growth, it kept me going even when I felt like giving up. I was fighting for myself.
It was a rebirth, my higher self was lighting my way, allowing me to feel it but not drown in the process.
With every release there was another part of my heart that I had shut down to protect myself, that came away to let the light & the love in again. But this time it was a whole hearted love that I felt with every cell of my body, a healing love that accepted who I was then & who I am now & who I am yet to become.
Be Well, Clare xo
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